when Jesus speaks.

I have to tell you (or maybe I really don't) that today, I didn't feel the best physically. Not horrible, although not on-top-of-the-world energetic. Just blah. But in a weird twist of sorts, my spiritual body has been fed in so many different ways today that my mind has been sharp like a tack and craving to hear what the Father has to say.

And I've LOVED. IT.

Several of the songs are found on my Pandora station of this
MAGNIFICENT singer!

This morning I found myself listening to some music that I've recently been introduced to via a friend, Pandora and my family members. If you really want to know what they are, you'll have to DM me on Twitter or message me on Facebook, because I have plans to sing these songs at church in the future, which means that they'll probably come up in a future blog and I don't want to ruin the surprise.

Being a music fanatic, the chords and harmonies are splendid. As a Christian, the lyrics are a means for me to worship my Lord while meditating on them. And because I'm a singer, I found myself thinking about how and when to "perform" these songs in a spirit of worship while offering my absolute best from the perspective of talent.

But now that I've become a writer, I have an all-encompassing love for blog posts and articles. And four of them really spoke to me today. They're excellent words and ideas to dwell on in my mind as this spiritual learning pursuit in my life continues, but as I thought about them, it made me wonder if all these stories and words and advice are meant to prepare me for something in the future.

My flesh instantly pegs that something bad is bound to happen--whether it's bad to me, bad for me (to where something happens to someone else, good or bad, that affects me in a poor way), or just bad overall. It's as if I worry constantly--which, sadly, I tend to live in a state of anxiety--like I'm simply placing these words in my vault so that in the near future I can remember them and pull them out.

Yet, as I think in the Spirit, I see these words as a way to let me grow in my walk with Him. He wants me to learn His truth, His precepts, His love and peace.

The first article told me that as a mid-20 something, that I'm in the right place (age-wise) to figure out what I should do and pursue in life (with my own personal understanding that it must line up with God's will)...

If anyone got this book for me,
we'd become besties :)

The second story/video made me misty-eyed when I saw the true value of love--not the love that Hollywood or (regrettably) Nicholas Sparks tell us all about that we've (I've) unfortunately set in my mind as the ideal, but a love that echoes Christ's heart and love. How that marriage is a picture of Christ and His church, not pursuing ambitions that can easily become selfish and understanding what really matters in a spiritual sense.

The third blog took me to a time of learning. I found it to be awesome because it dealt with what we had been learning about in Sunday School prior to our guy/girl lessons, so it was familiar to me. But what was even more amazing was that it happened to be the lesson I had missed out on, so God used it to fill in the blanks.

But this fourth post, admittedly, convicted me.

The more I read it, the more I think I've already read it before and shared it on my Facebook page. And even after I'd shared it and regretted re-posting it, I didn't care. It was THAT good to not keep it to myself.

As I read it, I felt that God gave it just to me to read. In Bible college, I was in that place like the writer and was told that success in ministry can't come without a husband, or that the only time you'll be given a relationship is when God deems you "good or obedient enough" to take along that joy/challenge/lifetime achievement.

And even though I try to hide it or have been afraid to admit it or maybe it's something being used by Satan, I sometimes fear/wonder if my current pursuit of God is motivated in part by the fact that if I run after Him, if I busy myself with His business...that He'll reward me with a relationship.

And I don't want to be in that place.

I don't want to dive into His ministry with the expectation of getting something in return. And I so desperately don't want to see me get angry with myself or especially at God if I ever come to the point where I feel that I've worked hard enough to "get what I want"...and He, in my timing, doesn't "deliver".

Instead, I want to fall into the understanding that He indeed is enough, whether I end this life with a husband and children of my own, or meet Christ having been forever single. I want to do things simply for the love of Him and not the love of myself or the love of my desires and wants.

I want to live my life in a way that pleases Him, where the cause and effect isn't to serve and be given things, but serve and let God do as He sees fit and to give thanks in every situation. I don't want to live my life waiting to see if God will choose to bless me with what I used to call "The American Dream" (being married and having kids), but actually live and dive into life and take part in random, silly, fun, and meaningful opportunities.

So at the end of this day, after wrapping up the softball season (thank the LORD!), I'm so glad that God saw fit to speak to me today, to show me His love and wisdom in so many ways that have captivated my heart. Because when Jesus speaks, we simply need to listen, learn and lean on Him.