Summer Learnin’

"Summer Nights"...that song from Grease. I’m just getting to the point of liking it since they made us sing it our junior year of high school for our Spring Sing. 

But as I’m coming to enjoy it again, the whole premise of the song…I like it. I’ve never had a summer love, and if you think about it…there’s still time (Christian Mingle, anyone?...just kidding!). The unofficial start of fall is Labor Day, so there’s that, but I’d probably need to start worrying mid-September before the season officially changes.

But if not? I’ll actually address this later… 

So instead of summer lovin'....I got some summer learnin'. This summer has been one of the most incredible learning experiences I’ve had in life since college, and I learned a lot in those four years. When I think about the last blog I wrote and where I was in that moment, I was low…scary low. But in retrospect, I think God wanted to bring me down and humble me so much that the only place I had to go was up…to Him. And since coming up from that like a phoenix from the ashes, God has and is still making a transformation in my life that all goes back to Him. 

This summer I was able to go back to a love of mine—children’s ministry, notably VBS (Vacation Bible School)---an achievement I attained in 2009. God had put it on my heart and I’d shared it with my mom, and during that time the pastor texted me about leading it. I told him that God had been working in me on that, so by May we had planned it for August. Ideas formed in my head, and come to find out, the pastor had given me full reign on theme, curriculum…everything. Thanks to Pinterest, old Sunday School curriculum, Awana and simple creativity on my part—which is rare!— the overview was done. I got it to our pastor and then the next step was getting everything together, which was a feat in itself. For the next month, if not more, my afternoons were no longer spent taking naps but hanging out at the church drafting station plans, gathering supplies and getting our Donation Station formed. 
 
And you know what happened? God showed up and did an awesome work in our church. 

People were more than willing to offer their help during the week, we had an abundance of donations come in like I never imagined, and so many church members encouraged me. We just wrapped up our VBS last week (watch the video for a recap!), and God blessed it. I and so many others in our church, I believe, covered that program in prayer, and He met our needs. God allowed me to teach the lessons, and I still get emotional thinking about how and why God would be willing to use me to fulfill His ministry—it’s humbling. One of the many things I learned this summer is that “God doesn’t call the qualified, He qualifies the called.” And it’s what led me to another ministry…

If you would have asked me a year ago, I would have told you that me and teens—we don’t mix. I can handle kid min (kids ministry—because I’m cool like that and abbreviate words), college age students (my favorite ministry to be part of) and senior saints, but the attitude and dynamic of teen ministry? EEK.

We were sitting in Pizza Hut on Mother’s Day when I was asked to go to youth camp. Truth be told, I initially thought I was being asked out of fairness—my sister had been asked to go last year, so the idea was to go ahead and ask the other sister. And leading up to it, my mind traveled back to being an RA (resident assistant) in Bible college—it was all I could relate it to, and I wanted to be a good example. I was nervous the weekend prior, and the trip up there was nice. But as we stepped onto the campus, I just had to know what I was getting into…and if this week would confirm something that had been impressed on my heart for some time.

A few months earlier, we were visiting family and were talking about the ministries at church. We started talking about the youth and how for some time, they had been looking for a girl (lady—I’m a little old to call myself a girl now) to teach the teen girls. Since I hadn’t been “called” to the ministry yet, I dismissed it when asked earlier. But as we talked as a family, the point that got my attention was made that one ministry had to be on the backburner before another could begin, and that impacted me. Would I really be willing to sit idly by, content where I was, while a ministry had to suffer? It was in that moment that God dealt with me, and I told him that I wanted camp to be a way to reveal what He wanted—if I could connect with the girls, then I knew that that was where He wanted me.

I could have easily dove in and been, “Let me do it!” before camp, but I wanted to make sure that my motives weren’t selfish. I credit that to my RA Christy, who drilled into us the idea of motives—do they serve our selfishness or Christ? It was one of the reasons I waited, because I wanted God to show me His will.

And that He did, but not the way I wanted.

Our group at camp...
I love that I'm the shortest person (outside of the kid)

As much as I enjoyed connecting with our upcoming sixth grader, a new student and girls I had known forever—which solidified my ministry opportunity, that week of camp was one of the most spiritually draining and difficult weeks of my life. I can’t/won’t really go into it, but my heart was being challenged in ways I hadn’t dealt with before. Part of it was me and my own doing, but the challenge was making sure that my personal struggles didn’t impact my ministry to the girls. Tears were shed during that trial, but I’m thankful that God used that week to allow me to grow in Him.

Since camp ended, I’ve been hanging out with our youth on Sundays and Wednesdays, trying to get a different feel of the group than I got at camp. And thankfully, starting in September I get to take my ministry to a different level by teaching. It’s a bit reminiscent of my days as RA and leading devos (devotions) at camp—which I LOVED!—but I’m looking forward to and praying about how He’ll use me.

In this summer, I’ve finally been able to comprehend and put into practice what God had shown me for some time, but I never really got it. I’m single, and based on life and my circumstances and environment, I’ll be this way for a while or forever (get ready to buy me some cats, guys!). Since I don’t have a relationship, marriage, kids or even a fulltime job, I actually have time on my hands. So, why not use that time I have to minister and help further His kingdom? I want my season of singleness—no matter how long or short it is—to be used to please Him.

And probably my epiphany this summer reminded me of that. Thanks to Facebook, I read the most fascinating blog I’ve ever stumbled upon on the interweb (seriously, go read it. it's the only reason I linked it...for you to read!). Called “My husband is not my soul mate,” the author penned her journey of love from her youth—it mirrored my life, how I thought that I would marry some guy in the ministry who met every requirement on my list, and that marrying him would be God giving me the desires of my heart (a phrase I used this summer in one of my darkest points and would come to find, used COMPLETELY out of context).

But you know what that blog taught me? That the ultimate goal of my life isn’t to get married and have kids—something I’ve wanted probably since elementary school. Now, I’m not saying that God has taken that desire from me—it’s something I want, and I want it deeply. But I can’t live my life just waiting for that to fall into my lap. You know what I’m supposed to be doing with my life?

Everything I can to please God and bring glory and honor to His name.

So if I can be working in children’s ministry preparing for next year’s VBS in the middle of winter, or preparing lessons on a weekly basis for teenagers, or learning new songs to sing during a worship service, or continually being in an attitude of prayer—even at work, that’s where I wanna be. Setting my sights on Him and clinging to His word and promises.

A throwback photo of me and Brittany,
 when she visited me at BBC!

But as I say this, I know that my willingness to truly follow God and His will comes with challenges. Because I want to surrender, I know and understand that trials will come my way in this relentless pursuit of God, and to be honest, I’m already dealing with it. I thank God for one of my best friends, Brittany, who I can go to with these issues—no matter how petty or silly they might be.

And admittedly enough, all of this scares me. To the core. I feel that I’m right on the edge of God bringing a huge test in my life to see if this talk of following Him is simply that, talk. I wonder if the struggle on my heart—one of the things I want that I’ve met with God on so many occasions… if that blessing won’t come my way, but to someone else.

Would I really be able to cling to Him even more? Could I stay strong and look at the situation and really give thanks in everything? Would I be able to keep it all together while calling out to God on the inside? I don’t know. And I don’t want to fail God. But as my female intuition grows as I get older (my mother has great intuition, so I think it’s an acquired trait), I feel that something’s on the horizon. And a lot of times my feelings are wrong or the opposite of what I think, but I haven’t been able to shake this for awhile.

But if I can just remember this summer…how God brought me from one of the lowest points of my life, wondering if I was equally considered by others while having a completely shot self-esteem, to a place where I consciously strive to seek Him in all I do and say, then I think my future will be okay. My prayer is that God would use this season in my life to grow me in His image, allow me to honor Him, and if He sees fit to bless me in other ways besides waking me up each morning, then I’ll be good.

…Praise that Lamb :)