Let's rewind back a couple weeks...everyone in my family had something going on. My parents had taken a long weekend trip to see their four grandkids, my oldest brother and his family were gearing up for VBS (Vacation Bible School), while my other brother and his small family were preparing to move into their first home and my twin sister was anxiously awaiting her trip as a counselor at church youth camp.
And then there was me.
I had nothing going on, and (even as of late), I felt as if I've been in a a lull. An unfortunate funk.
To be honest, I still have nothing huge or exciting going on, and it's rather depressing. Here I am, on the verge of celebrating (what my best friend in college told me) my GOLDEN birthday in a little over a month...my 25th birthday, and there's nothing.
In the midst of my self-pity and wallowing, I started to think in greater terms and measurements. In 25 years, what have I done? What have I accomplished? When I was a child I dreamed of being a country singer; as a teenager I wanted to be a high school choir director...
By the time I was in college, I had it figured out: I was going to be a children's director and eventually get married and have a family, all while juggling my ministry, too. And when that became a "dream deferred", I was going to become an author.
And still eventually get married and have babies. :)
But I was too introverted to be a musical superstar, and my motive for directing was more to prove a point than for the love of it. My year-long experience with children's ministry showed me a not-so-lovely side of church and ministry, and through that all, I had already, in college, endured the harsh reality of unrequited love.
I did write a book, though.
Still (I mimic my father as I say this), for all the things I want to do, money always seems to be attached to it. The editing hours I can endure, but at the end of the day I'd need an agent, a publishing company and probably some other things too (because face it, I was going to be like Nicholas Sparks and my books were going to become movies) that require money, which I have none.
No money, a part-time job, no place of my own, no car (because I have no license), no love life...nothing. And that's how I thought of myself as I looked ahead to my 25th birthday.
But suddenly, as God would have it, I took all of that--my flaws, my plans and everything--and had a desire to do something with it. And since I couldn't actually make any of this happen, I came to what I know best: writing.
I don't know how true it is, but I've heard the story that Ellen DeGeneres took up comedy after the death of her friend. She took what was given to her and changed it for the better, and that's what I want to do.
Leading up to my golden birthday, I want to look back on my (almost) twenty-five years of life. I want to bask in the glory of successes, laugh at the silly and perhaps stupid things I've done, and even get sad and/or mad about what could have been, all while looking ahead to what's in store.
Apparently it's all happened for a reason, so I'm just gonna take it and do what I can with it.
...I hope you'll join me for the ride.
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