The timeline of my life

Hello friends! Here's to hoping your week has gone well. I've just spent the past week without social media and other than feeling really uninformed and a bit bored, it wasn't that bad. You should try it sometime.

Take a look at this week's column. I think to some degree you'll relate to it. And if you like it, make sure to share it with your friends and followers! 

Original publication date: Friday, May 15, 2015 
Random Writer 
The timeline of my life 

I think I’ve shared this before, but I’m a planner. If I know when something is supposed to happen, I want to know what is supposed to take place. For instance, if a big day is being scheduled with family or friends or at church, I want to know what the plan looks like. To not know what that plan is--especially if I’m involved in that big day--absolutely mortifies me. (It goes back to my theory of winging it, and how when we “wing it,” we fail to give God all of our preparation and time leading up to any event, no matter how big or small...another column for another day.)

But off my personal soapbox. I think this “planning personality” is something that’s somewhat instilled into all of us, even at a young age. Think all the way back to grade school. If a field trip was planned, the take-home form laid out what was going to happen and how you needed to dress and if you needed to take a sack lunch and all that fun stuff. But the older we get, I think we prioritize what we deem as important and for me, planning is vital.

As we got older, in middle school and high school, we had to choose classes and electives that would fit into the field we wanted to study during college and enter once we graduated. I made the decision as a senior to opt out of calculus not just because I’ve never liked math and really struggled in trigonometry, but because I didn’t see how such advanced math would be used in a music-focused career. (I don’t really think the teachers and counselors liked when I voiced that, either.)

So when I changed majors in college, my schedule showed more classes dealing with children’s ministry. I still took music classes out of my love for the art, but my focus shifted to the other classes. I needed to be as prepared as possible, even if I didn’t really see the value of that accounting class I was required to take as part of the minor I really didn’t want.

But sometimes in our simple minds, we believe that the plan gets in the way of the goal we want to attain because it’s already within our reach. Or plans crumble along the way. When I found myself without a degree and without a job a year after leaving college, for the first time in my life, I didn’t have the slightest idea of what life was supposed to look like. None of what happened was on the timeline of my planned life.

Also part of that planned timeline was my attainment of what I always considered my American Dream--to get married and have children and be a stay-at-home mom. When that didn’t take place during the college years (which, of course, was the plan), I figured I would just rearrange it on the timeline; it would eventually happen. But I never planned on finally realizing that this dream is not a guarantee of life--which proved to be a wise lesson--and that a series of events would transpire, which would eventually lead me to completely take it all off the timeline--another great lesson with rejection as an unlikely teacher.

The irony of all of this is that, as much as I have planned in my life, none of it has come to pass. So should I really just start winging it? Is that God’s way of telling me to get out of my comfort zone? To a small extent, yes. But not really.

I think in all my planning and failures, God’s been clear that the plans I made were simply that: my own. In retrospect, I always had an understanding that God would lead and guide my steps, but it was more as “This is going to happen, God, so just guide me to the best case scenario,” instead of “Okay God, where are You going to take me?”

And He’s taken me through places I never imagined. I’m not talking about actual, point-it-out-on-a-map places, but a spiritual journey that wouldn’t have happened if my plans would have transpired. Those painful moments in life, where the plans fell apart or dramatically changed, are like that of a workout--the pain and soreness linger in the moment and sometime thereafter, but the end result is strength, a higher tolerance of pain, and the ability to persevere. It’s not easy, but in the end it’s well worth it.

Admittedly, at this point in my life, I really don’t have a plan for what’s ahead. I know where I’m at and I have a general idea of some places where I would like to venture (although I already sense that the door to one of those opportunities is closing), but the means of getting there aren’t drawn up. I think part of it is fear of adding another failed plan to my account, but the other half of that is the realization that God has it all figured out. First, He wants me to dispel those fears because He gives me love and power and a sound mind (2 Timothy 1:7), but the plans He already has for me include hope (Jeremiah 29:11). His plans are much greater than mine (Isaiah 55:9). It’s a matter of handing Him the pen and paper for all those plans and timelines and allowing Him to draw it all out.

And that, my friends, is so much easier said than done.